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My silent illness continued...

So, let's start from the beginning. I set-up an appointment for a mental health evaluation because I thought something might be wrong with some of the thoughts I would have and what my sister said. Now remember, I thought I was just ADD, so I wasn't expecting much on the evaluation. I arrived at my appointment and met with a nice female psychiatrists. I didn't know what to expect but I was ready and open. We sat down and the very 1st things she asked me was, "How are your shopping habits?" WHAT!! What does that have to do with anything! Did this woman just see me coming from the Goodwill? That's where I was just coming from. I was like, okay....ummm...well, I like to shop at the Goodwill...A LOT! Listen when you find Kate Spade bags for $20.00 and Manolo Blahnik shoes for $3. shop at the Goodwill. So, my answer was, I shop often but I don't spend a lot. What I didn't say was it only adds up to be a lot but I don't spend it in one setting so it doesn't look bad and I don't have to feel bad...ladies, I know you feel me. If that was the end of the'd be bipolar too...LOL

Okay, she went on to ask me if I had depression, suicidal thoughts, hallucinations, and some other questions. My answers were, yes, yes, and no. I have experienced depression, and I have had suicidal thoughts, I was having those when I wrote, I Just Can't Do It," but I am not the Son of Sam...dogs are not telling me to kill people. At this point I took over the conversation and talked about everything...everything I've thought, or think...every violent thought I've had, everything I've done growing up, which meant talking about the illegal stuff as well. I wanted a real evaluation so that meant telling everything. I'm transparent anyway, and it's not my style to hold anything back.

So after about an hour of my "tell all," she tells me, "I think you're bipolar 2." (turns out I found out this year I am bipolar 1) I was like, really? Okay...okay. She went on to say, you're also ADHD, but we will deal with that later. First let's tackle the bipolar. Of course, I asked tons of questions about bipolar...the different levels, etc. She told me I was on the manic side of bipolar. Okay, let's pause. I want everyone to hear this. When I found out I had a mental illness I was HAPPY! Yup, call me crazy (which is fine by me, I'm not offended)...happy and very, very relieved. I finally had an answer to why I did the things I did...why I acted the way I did...why I said the things I would say. I was so relieved. Wow, I don't have to feel this type of anger, or this type of depression. You mean I wouldn't have to apologize to people because of something I said? You dang right I was happy. It's an illness but it's treatable. There are medications to help stabilize the episodes. Let me mention, you experience episodes of mania and depression. A person can go for weeks, months and not have an episode. I've met and spoken with people who have bipolar but they believe they can manage the illness on their own. That's just illogical to me. If you had asthma you'd carry an inhaler; if you had cancer or multiple sclerosis you'd take medication. What people with bipolar do not realize is, their taken medication is not only a benefit for them...greatly, but they need to take into consideration their family and the people who have to deal with them. Dealing with manic bipolar people can be exhausting. I know, I was that person. Thank God for his continuous love, for creating doctor's, and medication.

"Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks." National Institute of Mental Heath

Now, bipolar tends to run in the family, so you may notice that you and one of your parents shows the same symptoms as you. I noticed it in my dad after I was diagnosed it became obvious to me, and everyone always said, "You act just like your dad."

I would like for readers to engage in conversation...share may be blessings someone! Come on this journey with me and subscribe for updates on Blah, Blah, Blah...





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