Taborah Adams
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My silent illness

So, let's get it in. I have Bipolar Disorder 1. Yes, there are different levels. Bipolar 1, and Bipolar 2. I'm no doctor but I've lived with this long enough to speak on it and talk about it's affects on my life. Bipolar 1 means you experience more fluctuation in your mood, as apposed to bipolar 2. We experience different levels of depression and mania but only during an episode of either. Depression, speaks for itself...you're depressed. Mania, well that's the complete opposite of depression. I lean towards the manic side of bipolar, although having bipolar means you experience both mania and depression. When a person is experiencing a manic episode they tend to talk fast, unable to focus, spend money you shouldn't, and your mouth can become like a lightning bolt cutting people into little pieces.


Now imagine living half of your life not knowing you have a mental illness...some of you reading this right now have a mental illness and you're either in denial, or you may not know...I didn't! This is how it went down. My sisters are school teachers and we were sitting around talking one day and one of my sisters says to me, "You don't know you're ADD?" I immediately got upset. WHAT! Why would I know I had something, why would I even think to think I had something (I hope you got that), going on when I've been this way my whole life. I didn't know it at the time, but what she did was "trigger" me. Okay, so unlike so many people I meet, I'm not afraid to KNOW MYSELF. That's right know myself. I'm not afraid to find out if I have cancer...I'm not afraid to find out if I have diabetes, if I have high blood pressure...right? So, why are so many people afraid to find out that they may be slightly crazy! (please do not get offend but if you instantly got upset...you may be who I'm talking too...) If I have an issue, let's fix it! I'm not stuck on stupid and I definitely don't want to feel any kind of way, or carry any illness and not treat it, when I don't have to. The same way you treat other illness, mental illnesses are no different. People need to stop feeling a certain way about who God created them to be. AND, since I'm here let me say this...PEOPLE...STOP TELLING ME NOT TO "CLAIM" IT. What does that even mean? I understand you are basically saying that words are powerful and what you speak can come to life, but check this out...if you listened to yourself you would realize you are saying that something is wrong with me...do you get that or should I say it again! To the next person who tells me not to "claim" it, I'm going to ask them, should I also not claim being a woman, or being black, or having these visible tattoo's, or being whatever else God created me to be? I believe your intentions are right but you need to Just STOP! I don't appreciate people trying to talk to me about something they have never experienced. All you need to do is listen and learn...same thing goes with white people trying to talk about racism...just stop! You sound ignorant. You don't have the right to talk to me about something you do not live with or have not experienced. I can't talk to you about white privileged, so please do not try and tell me about my illness, or what being a black woman looks like to me.


Okay, I went on a tangent but I've been wanting to say this, so I said it...


ummm....lol....I really planned on writing more and I could save this and come back...ya know what, I am going to post it but I'm going to finish it a little later. It's nice outside and I want to go swimming before it rains...see ya later!

Going for a dip...I'll be back.


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